When you think you've had a pretty bad day, just think about budding entrepreneur Daniel Gabriel Doyle of Walker County. This is truly one for the record books, or Paul Harvey, or at least the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.
We've all heard stories about the bumbling crook who gets himself caught by writing the robbery note on the back of his own deposit slip. Or the gangster who shoves the loaded pistol into the front of his pants and forgets to check the safety. As Gomer Pyle would say, "surprise, surprise, surprise."
That's probably what they were saying in Walker County after the front of Doyle's pants exploded while sitting in the backseat of a vehicle driven by social services workers.
Turns out Doyle's business involved the production of methamphetamine.
According to the Associated Press report, one day early last week Doyle met the social workers at the front door of his house and walked to the their car to fill out some paperwork. While sitting in the backseat of the car, this according to Patrick Stanfield, commander of the Lookout Mountain Judicial Circuit Drug Task Force, Doyle's pants "exploded."
Stanfield said that apparently Doyle had mixed red phosphorous and iodine in a film canister and had stuck it in his pocket.
That red phosphorous and iodine will get you every time.
The AP report stated that the chemical reaction caused second- and third-degree burns on Doyle's leg and other important parts of his anatomy.
This is the part of the column where I say that so far it seems as though Daniel Gabriel Doyle is getting what he deserves. It goes without saying that the manufacturing of illegal drugs in the kitchen is a bad thing. And as a side note, we're hearing about more explosions coming from homes of people who evidently slept through chemistry class.
But what makes this case worse is the presence of the social workers when the explosion occurred. What do you think they were doing there and what kind of paperwork could they have been presenting to Doyle? Could it possibly have had anything to do with children?
While the Associated Press article did not mention the presence of anyone else on the property, I can only guess that the social workers' visit was child-related. I admit that I'm assuming here, but I will never understand the motivation of an adult who insists on putting a child in harm's way. If this guy is producing methamphetamine, it is also a good guess that weapons are in the house, along with unsavory types who carry them.
I don't know, maybe I've just watched too many movies. Or maybe I've read too many real-life horror stories about innocent children who have been injured or killed as a result of the greed and ignorance of adults.
Tom Mark is the sports editor of The Tifton Gazette. He can be reached at email@example.com
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