Tifton Gazette


December 23, 2013

With the new year coming, time for soothsaying


Good grief. I just took a peek at next week’s calendar. It says 2014. That can’t be correct. I’m still waiting for Y2K and for all our computers to crash. I must have overslept.

Time flies when you are having fun and never do I have more fun than on New Year’s Eve at the exquisite little Georgia Sea Grill on St. Simons Island, featuring a group of friends better than I deserve and a heaping platter of corn-fried shrimp. I pray I never run short of either.

As always, I have great expectations for the New Year and I hope I am around to see what transpires over the months ahead. To paraphrase Mark Twain, may reports of my death in 2014 be greatly exaggerated.

I know you are eagerly awaiting my predictions for the New Year. I don’t blame you. I’m pretty good at this soothsayer stuff. As you will recall, I’m the guy who said publicly that an obscure Republican state senator from Bonaire by the name of George E. Perdue, could not possibly defeat the powerful Democratic incumbent Roy Barnes in the 2002 gubernatorial elections. Not only am I good at seeing the future, I am also a great kidder. I was just pulling your leg. Of course, I knew all along that George E. was going to win.

But enough of my past successes; let’s take a look at what I see happening in 2014.  Note: Any reproduction or rebroadcast of these predictions without the expressed written consent of The National Soothsayer League is strictly prohibited — unless I happen to get one right.

First, I predict that President Obama will admit during his State of the Union speech that Obamacare stinks worse than an Alabama hog farm. He will say that like everybody else in Washington, he had no idea what was in the law but it doesn’t matter, because in three years he will be out of office, richer than Croesus and won’t need insurance anyway, so go eat cake.

Text Only
Local News

Local Sports
Police Reports
Your Agenda
AP Video
SKorea Ferry Toll Hits 156, Search Gets Tougher Video Shows Possible Syrian Gas Attack Cubs Superfans Celebrate Wrigley's 100th Raw: Cattle Truck Overturns in Texas Admirers Flock to Dole During Kansas Homecoming Raw: Erupting Volcanoes in Guatemala and Peru Alibaba IPO Could Be Largest Ever for Tech Firm FBI Joining Probe of Suburban NY 'Swatting' Call U.S. Paratroopers in Poland, Amid Ukraine Crisis US Reviews Clemency for Certain Inmates Raw: Violence Erupts in Rio Near Olympic Venue Raw: Deadly Bombing in Egypt Raw: What's Inside a Commercial Jet Wheel Well Raw: Obama Arrives in Japan for State Visit Raw: Anti-Obama Activists Fight Manila Police Motels Near Disney Fighting Homeless Problem Michigan Man Sees Thanks to 'bionic Eye' S.C. Man Apologizes for Naked Walk in Wal-Mart Chief Mate: Crew Told to Escape After Passengers
House Ads
Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide
Seasonal Content
Business Marquee
Weather Radar
Sen. Chambliss addresses farm bill in Tifton
Riding the Steam Train at Ga. Museum of Agriculture
Nature's Beauty in a Tifton parking lot
Peanut Prices Remain Strong