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December 23, 2013

With the new year coming, time for soothsaying

TIFTON —

Good grief. I just took a peek at next week’s calendar. It says 2014. That can’t be correct. I’m still waiting for Y2K and for all our computers to crash. I must have overslept.

Time flies when you are having fun and never do I have more fun than on New Year’s Eve at the exquisite little Georgia Sea Grill on St. Simons Island, featuring a group of friends better than I deserve and a heaping platter of corn-fried shrimp. I pray I never run short of either.

As always, I have great expectations for the New Year and I hope I am around to see what transpires over the months ahead. To paraphrase Mark Twain, may reports of my death in 2014 be greatly exaggerated.

I know you are eagerly awaiting my predictions for the New Year. I don’t blame you. I’m pretty good at this soothsayer stuff. As you will recall, I’m the guy who said publicly that an obscure Republican state senator from Bonaire by the name of George E. Perdue, could not possibly defeat the powerful Democratic incumbent Roy Barnes in the 2002 gubernatorial elections. Not only am I good at seeing the future, I am also a great kidder. I was just pulling your leg. Of course, I knew all along that George E. was going to win.

But enough of my past successes; let’s take a look at what I see happening in 2014.  Note: Any reproduction or rebroadcast of these predictions without the expressed written consent of The National Soothsayer League is strictly prohibited — unless I happen to get one right.

First, I predict that President Obama will admit during his State of the Union speech that Obamacare stinks worse than an Alabama hog farm. He will say that like everybody else in Washington, he had no idea what was in the law but it doesn’t matter, because in three years he will be out of office, richer than Croesus and won’t need insurance anyway, so go eat cake.

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